the only thing certain in life....

.....is death and taxes, right? wrong. i went to the county treasurers office friday to renew my car tags. the line is huge, nothing new here. a couple of women are coming out, one is putting her new decal on. says she waited 2 hours in line. the other tells me they are working with number 9 in line and she is 78. she has decided to head off to lunch and come back later. sounds like a winner to me, so i go grab 79 and head off for about an hour.

i return after procuring some books at borders for cheap. what a sad story that is, but you will never hear obamie crying about those lost jobs. the tax collectors have worked their fingers to the bone and are now serving 62. i sit and dig into a werewolf story i had been wanting to read for some time.

there are tons of people waiting in line. i consider selling my spot because i have a secret. i don't have to renew until the end of october , most of these folks must renew by the last day of august. the only reason i'm here at all is because all the kids are in school and i just got paid for a good deal of overtime.

i think i could probably approach any of the guys tying their shoe laces together to end their misery, or perhaps some of the moms who appear ready to beat their children to death. probably make twenty easy from a member of this crew and come back next week.

i'm certain it is not illegal but wonder if it is unethical. i sit and read. 25 minutes go by and they call my number. the incredulity written on every ones face with high numbers, ahead of me in line, as i fairly skip to the front, is priceless.

a young guy is working the counter which is somewhat odd , as it has seemed in the past that only old angry fat women work at the DMV. the conversation goes rapidly down hill.

how can i help you?

need to renew, here is my stuff.

oh, october. i can't help you today.


?!

sorry.

what do you mean you can't help me today?

yeah, sorry, i can't let you renew until september.

(fucking) why?

because the computer is not set up that way.

what does that mean?

the computer only sees the month we are working in and the next following month, october doesn't exist for the computer yet.

you're shitting me, right?

nope, that's really how it works.

so let me get this straight. i show up to pay my taxes early, but the computer won't let you take my money because..

october doesn't exist yet, sir.

this is the government right?

yeah.

and your sole function is to take money from people right?

only drivers and vehicle owners.

no shit. but i, who owns vehicles, can't pay today...

because october does not yet, for the computer, exist sir. i have already explained that. october is a non event to the computer.

(you little fuck) yeah, dude, i heard you the first time. i just can't believe it. where on my registration does it say that i can't renew 2, 3 or 4 months early if i want to?

it doesn't.

and i don't see any signs around either, announcing that the month after next doesn't exist.

that is because there aren't any.

(very close to strangling this fucker now) so how would a guy know that without sitting here?

he wouldn't. is there something else i could help you with?

(pour gas over your head and strike a match) nope that about covers it. i owe the state money, came in to pay early, and you refused to accept it. thanks for everything.

you could come back next friday.

(or i could sprout wings and migrate to mexico for the winter, asshole) yeah good idea, i'll be back next friday, count on that.

and every friday through the end of october. and get a couple of low numbers. and sell them to the harried moms and high number guys that are 2 minutes away from cutting their wrists.

fuck you dude, and your little computer too.