Thursday, January 21, 2010

let's go get english?

show of hands. how many of you like french cuisine? have a favorite italian restaurant or 2? go out for mexican or bring home chinese?

ever wonder why there are ZERO english restaurants? it's cause they eat shit like blood pudding-made with real blood, boil, not broil- boil steak, mutton(old sheep), and eels. that's right, eels. you know the snake- like fish.

if you sit down and this cat is the waiter, and he suggest the jellied eel, run.

and now scientists and average limey alike are up in arms over the dwindling numbers of the slimey bastards in the river thames.

seems there has been a 98% decrease in eels trapped last year in the thames compared to a 2005 count. the usual suspects are to blame; climate change, man made structures, GEORGE W.BUSH and some other parasites. i suspect the other parasites are zebra mussels, a little clam like bastard, which is probably fucking up a body of fresh water somewhere near you.

the eels are also disappearing from other european rivers and ecologists point out that the eels rapid decline could threaten the entire ecosystem. where is the worry over the great lakes and the threat posed by ocean going vessels which, over the decades have brought gobies, the afore mentioned zebra mussels, lampreys and alewives? but i digress.

i get to talk shit on my british cousins 'cause my great grandmother (on my mothers side) immigrated to canada from britain. i didn't really know her, but i do remember her daughter taking ground beef, forming it into a ball, dropping it into a pot of boiling water, then telling me the grey lump that resulted was a hamburger.

dad has a great story about taking some real nice beef (del monicos?), over for dinner before mom and him got married. he said grandma took the steaks into the kitchen and returned with some shriveled grey shit that resembled the dog steak he swears he was served in the navy while in port in lisbon, portugal. he said he nearly cried and never let grandma near beef he was eating again.

here is a tip, tommy. there are plenty of other fish in the sea, lay off the eel and try the grouper, salmon or snapper.


  1. Dude, lighten up on the Brits.

    Bangers & Mash
    English Cheddar
    Steak & Kidney pie
    Cornish Clotted Cream
    Real bacon
    Sausage rolls

    Best food on earth, and I'm Italian.

  2. And don't forget, all those wonderful Burmese pythons that are taking over the Everglades.....

    I think I may have had eel once in sushi. You can eat anything if you slap enough wasabi on it.

    Remember, mate, these Brits are also my forebears so I understood you completely. I only have to go back a couple generations. And on the northern end of that island, the Scots gave us haggis. Need I say more?

  3. Oh come on .... no-one eats eels in the UK!!!!!

    Try British lamb, beef, steaks, free-range chicken, duck, game, crab, lobster, real sausages, steak 'n' kidney pies, proper fish and chips (not crappy fries), Scottish salmon, sponge puddings, real clotted cream, apple and rhubarb crumble, organic fruits and veg, free-range eggs, bacon that doesn't drip water and fat, tasty chocolate (not candy), food that isn't packed out with additives and sweeteners. .......... etc etc

    Why do British chefs like Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver etc have a worldwide reputation. I can't name a single North American chef.

    In addition Britain is home to Michelin starred restaurants as well as every Asian or European variety of food you could imagine. We occasionally eat American - with the kids - it's a cheap and cheerful option. Burgers ....... yum :S

  4. Jsumm, I eat eel! When I go out for sushi... they aren't green or slimy though. And when I was in England, yeah "I'll have the raisan bran please." Yuck they have no good recipes that I have found yet! I didn't even like the fish and chippies! When I was growing up I think my Mom boiled her meatballs first.. ewwwww Mom, WTF ??
    Happy Day

  5. wow, what a response.

    dear cambridge lady, thanks for stopping by and commenting. i can't name a single north AMERICAN chef either, except for emeril lagasse and my buddy robbie, who retired from 22 years on the street, and is a chef at the hyatt in boston. i'm sure there are some pretty tasty dishes, but even my former boss, who was married to a british woman, learned to ccok so he didn't have to eat whatever she whipped up. also i am only commenting on the AP story, EELS DISAPPEARING FROM LONDON"S RIVER THAMES, second paragragh says it all. in my defense, i did mention salmon.

    nickie-ah, where do i begin. i would rather eat anything italian then something called bangers and mash or clotted cream, which sounds like a side dish for the blood pudding.

    gia and ski- we know the truth, don't we?

  6. Yay Nickie !!! We know the wonder of clotted cream don't we?? Check out my blog for a recipe for the alarmingly named "brown bread ice cream" which is actually a taste sensation and contains Cornish Clotted Cream ice-cream ....... mmmmmmm

    J Summ - I know you were just commenting on the article but I get all kind of patriotic when people criticise British cuisine ;) It WAS awful in the 1970s but these days the food, both in restaurants and supermarkets, is second-to-none. The mistake many Americans make when visiting the UK is to congregate in the tourist hot-spots where you can end up in crappy restaurants that charge the earth for awful cooking. The locals know where to go.... Best wishes :o)

  7. Nickie,

    You're spot on with real bacon and sausage rolls. None of that ruler-straight stuff that passes for bacon over here. Also pork pies (pure vein-clogging goodness). You've spent some time there, I take it?

    But boy do I love proper American burgers and milkshakes...

  8. I put the classic "Going for an English" sketch from BBC's "Goodness Gracious Me" on my blog today. I don't know if you ever got that series over there?? You should check it out - it's very funny.

  9. There's always Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, baked beans, and Spam...tha's no' got much Spam innit.....


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